Researchers are delving into the phenomenon of limerence, a term that describes obsessive and involuntary love that often remains unreciprocated. Many individuals have experienced intense crushes, particularly in their youth, which typically fade quickly. However, some people persist in their attachment to one-sided love, which, when it becomes all-consuming and even addictive, leads them into the realm of limerence.
The concept of limerence was introduced in the 1970s by psychologist and philosopher Dorothy Tennov, who based her findings on a decade of research. This included thousands of questionnaires, case studies, autobiographies, and personal journals. Tennov discovered that individuals across various backgrounds experienced similar unrequited romantic feelings characterized by consistent traits. In her seminal 1979 book, Love and Limerence, she defined limerence as “an uncontrollable, biologically determined, inherently irrational, instinct-like reaction.”
One of the most notable aspects of limerence is the way individuals can temporarily alleviate their longing through imagination. Tennov highlighted that those experiencing limerence tend to be acutely aware of any favorable signals from their love interest and often construct rationale to interpret neutral behaviors as signs of hidden affection.
Recent studies suggest that the current climate may promote a rise in limerent relationships, as social media makes it easier to become fixated on idealized images and narratives of others” lives. A significant online community dedicated to discussing limerence has emerged on Reddit, attracting a substantial number of weekly visitors. However, it is important to note that limerence is not formally recognized as a psychological diagnosis and does not overlap with other disorders like erotomania, where an individual mistakenly believes another is in love with them.
While research on limerence remains limited, certain characteristics have been identified. Typically, individuals experiencing limerence seek emotional attachment rather than sexual relations and generally focus their feelings on a single person at a time. The uncertainty surrounding whether their affection is reciprocated often fuels the obsession, as the more ambiguity exists, the stronger the feelings of longing and rumination become.
In her blog, The Marginalian, writer Maria Popova describes limerence as a complex attachment style, with its origins still not fully understood. Many who endure limerence are described as reasonable and high-functioning individuals. Interestingly, limerence appears to be more prevalent among those in creative fields, which Popova suggests may stem from the fact that the experience is inherently creative—a process involving focused attention and selective enhancement of emotions.
A classic literary example of limerent love is seen in Jay Gatsby”s obsession with Daisy Buchanan in F. Scott Fitzgerald”s 1925 novel, The Great Gatsby. Gatsby”s fixation is not on the real Daisy, but rather on an idealized version of her, representing his dreams and aspirations. Ultimately, Daisy does not return Gatsby”s affections, and his obsession dominates his life. Fitzgerald poignantly notes, “There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams—not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.”
While all forms of love involve some degree of illusion, limerence illustrates that excessive fantasy can lead individuals to feel lost in the tumultuous seas of unreciprocated romance.
